6 WAYS TO AVOID BEING A HOLIDAY BUTTERBALL.

It’s cookie season again!

DECEMBER 23, 2018KATHE SKINNER, M.A., L.M.F.T. EDIT

This is the time of year food is on our minds. Not just any food, but rich food, expensive food, once-a-year food. It’s when even the most disciplined among us vow to “wait until after the holidays”.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, half of Americans say they want to lose weight. With only a little time before the festivities begin the chances of being successfully svelte are, well, slim to none.

Here’s how to avoid being a holiday butterball:

Start early. Gold’s Gym memberships spike 40% in December and January, while the sad fact is that a hefty 80% of January joins quit within 5 months. If you’re serious about weight loss wait until February to get a membership. Statistics show that’ll improve your chances of success. Even more successful? Stick with the program all year long.

It”s not that the work is hard; the hard work is to keep going,

Dance to your own music. “Dealing effectively with stress” and “emotional regulation” are cited by 92% of 1,328 psychologists as the main reasons for their patients’ failures in weight loss. Emotional eating is a behavior learned in childhood when a sweet snack is an emotionally satisfying way to cope.

Who’s this for, anyway? Are you trying to please a critical parent, spouse, or friend who say you would be more attractive or successful if you lost weight? Putting your health first is, in the first place, about you. Addressing
underlying and longstanding messages are part of the mental health component necessary for mental and physical health.

Change defeating habits. While there are lots of reasons for societal obesity, some come from the choices we make every day. Good-for-you meals don’t have to be additive-rich, over-processed ones. Take advantage of federal law that requires calorie counts to be on menus. Buying gasoline and dinner at the same place are not healthy mealtime practice.

Rapid weight loss without healthy changes in diet and exercise is a chocolate-covered promise.

Keep it simple. Changes that are too complicated reduce chances for permanent behavioral alterations. Go easy; start slowly, feeling comfortable and confident to go on. Life changes don’t have to be complicated to work.

You can’t have it all. Even if you could, you can’t have it right now.  Reasonable thought often conflicts with desire. Unfortunately, ours is a society used to short attention-spans, immediacy, and instant gratification. True lifestyle changes are accomplished over time, with consistent practice, and lots of patience. That can be a poor fit in an ersatz society.

As tempting as it sounds, having our cake and eating it, too, isn’t realistic. More than genetics alone, successful weight control relies on the sometimes challenging choices we make for a healthy mental and physical life.

 Kathe Skinner is a private practice Marriage & Family Therapist in Colorado Springs where she lives with her husband and two kitties.

Copyright 2018, Being Heard, LLC

MY FAMILY IS CRAZIER THAN YOURS.

 

cartoon t;givingIn the month between November 26 and December 25 something odd happens:  Crazy families get crazier.

Giving Thanks, Spreading Light, Celebrating Culture, and Wishing for Peace on Earth are often replaced by the dread and fear of family fireworks.

Few families really are incident-free, although we figure it’s just ours that’s as dysfunctional as it is. While it might seem more comfortable to exclude certain family members to avoid celebratory disruption, what actually happens may be disrupting as well.

The classic struggle between expectations of “the way it should be” vs. “the way it really is” sets us up to have unhealthy negative emotions like sadness, guilt, anger, dread, and avoidance.

Shake the sugar plums out of your head and re-think your guilt:

The Throwback Effect:  Traditions, celebrated the same every year may be a reminder of past hurts, inviting behaviors that go way back.  Fight the impulse to side with your family against your partner; keeping  communication open is crucial.  Not everyone is happy at the holidays; no one has to be.

The Hallmark Effect:  U.S. companies will spend billions and billions of dollars on advertising this season, primarily on social media and television, to sell consumers on the notion that a perfect holiday can be purchased.  Movies — another holiday “tradition” — portray traumatizing family events as either funny or touching.  The constant stream of warm and fuzzy can lead to a very real mental health plague called holiday depression.

3 Monkeys Effect:  Pretending that crazy behavior isn’t crazy only makes you look crazy.  Minimizing reality for the sake of others’ comfort makes everyone uncomfortable.  Being honest is appropriate, even though ’tis the season for pretending everything is as it should be.

Forewarned, Forearmed:    Chat with the potential offender beforehand. Say why you’d like them to join everyone else even as you set boundaries for acceptable behavior.  Here’s the important part:  Quietly stick to the boundaries you set.  If you won’t, the offensive behavior is bound to be repeated and you and your guests are bound to be disrespected — again.

Cut the Drama:  It’s not like you’re surprised so don’t act like it.  Being dramatic about something you expect perpetuates bad feelings between people, who are likely to take sides.  This is one way that horrible holidays have become part of your family’s tradition.

Handing out explosives:  Alcohol and stress are a bad combination.  Bad stress makes everything worse; alcohol makes crazy worse.  If you fuel trouble, it will come.  Monitor the flow of booze if you want to avoid a bad scene.

Change It Up:  Change the usual setting or location, menu, focus of the day or even the day itself.   Get away from a personal, claustrophobic focus in order to re-focus outward to community — friends, neighbors, even strangers.  Take turns hosting; share the day’s responsibilities (being sure to include children); organize a neighborhood carol-sing, skating party or sleigh ride; volunteer; stay home and forge your nuclear family’s traditions; go on a Christmas tree hunt; or choose an activity that centers on the holiday’s meaning, are all examples of refocusing.

Come Down Easy:   The time and money spent preparing for, and celebrating, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas is disproportional to the let-down felt when all that’s left is the mess. Remembering how that feels might be incentive to celebrate in other, less costly but more rewarding, ways.

Take a Nap.  The day will wear you out so come rested to it, especially if you have a disability or chronic illness.  Add a few minutes to steal away, catch your breath and renew your smile.

No other time of year is as fraught with “shoulds”.  As with much of what’s difficult in life — leaving certain people out in the cold at holiday time — is a hard choice to make.  It’s reasonable to feel guilt and sadness and to feel guilty and sad because you feel guilt and sadness.

What’s important is that you acknowledge the situation and your struggle with it.  You don’t have to do anything.  There’s always next year and the crazies are likely to happen again.

Kathe Skinner is a Marriage & Family therapist in Colorado Springs where she lives with her husband David and their two hooligan cats.

Cartoon © Donna Barstow, 2015 Used with Permission

© 2015 Being Head LLC