I’m not stalking this guy, really.  I never intended to say so much, so many times, about Hugh Hefner.  But I just accidentally came across something he said I can’t keep quiet about.  See if you have the same reaction.

Reality tv and reality aren’t the same thing.

LIKE HE KNOWS FROM REALITY?  He wear pajamas in a mansion on another planet for god’s sake.  

Hefner’s created a sexual fantasy world where women are siliconed, waxed, and otherwise beautified to be as appealing a fantasy as they can be.  Like brunettes?  Got lots of ’em.  Blondes who are twins.  Got that too.

It’s all about creating a pleasurable space for someone else.

Those of us who are chronically ill or disabled, visibly or not, know about those spaces.  I feel guilty when I can’t be who I used to be for my spouse.  He tells me it doesn’t matter if I can’t go hiking; but it matters to me.  So I try to compensate; not just because I’m not hiking but because he doesn’t go because I don’t go.  That’s a terrible burden he’s given me, to feel responsible that my illness keeps him from making himself happy.  I know. I know; it’s not my job.

Truth be told, I burden myself, working extra hard to make other people in my world happy, as if they would regard me better  and forget about my inabilities.  I often catch myself not acting on behalf of myself.  Like most people with invisible chronic illness or disability, I’ve gotten good at perceiving others’ needs and putting those first.  As we all know, that’s the first step toward resentment.

Oops, gotta go.   My husband just came home and I meant to glue a cotton ball to my butt before he got here.  Guess I have a lot in common with those bunnies, after all…

Kathe Skinner is a therapist living with David and their kitties Petey and Lucy.  We all experience my multiple sclerosis.

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