Rachel Friedman, sometimes called the “Paralyzed Bride” became a quadriplegic after a freak accident at her bachelorette party. She recently did a sexy photo shoot to make the point that the disabled are still desirable and sexual.

We’re into fantasy when it comes to sex.  For most of us, we found head candy in a hidden magazine stash or a suggestive romance novel.  Within adults’ lifetimes, though, there’s been an explosion in readily available sexual images.

No wonder couples get into relationship trouble when the expectations built around sexual fantasy get confused with who’s really on the next pillow.

Despite the (sometimes problematic) changes in what’s okay to portray, have we changed enough that sexual images that include disabilities’ realities — like ostomy bags — are fantasy-worthy?

Or is it just gross, which was one person’s reaction to Rachel Friedman‘s photo shoot.

Lots of us believe that people with physical disability are asexual, maybe because the thought of them having sex is a turn off.  After all, sexual fantasy is about perfect bodies doing perfectly acceptable things perfectly. Reality’s a bummer.  It’s a drudge; it’s hard; it’s not glamorous; it’s too often too tired and too often grumpy.  It farts, too.

Reality’s what’s unpleasant to look at; graphic disability’s just part of it.

Kathe Skinner is a Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in couples work, especially with couples whose relationship is impacted by chronic illness/disability.  She has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis for almost 40 years and lives in Colorado Springs with her husband, David, and their hooligan cats.  Find out more about her at www.coupleswhotalk.com or at their Couple Communication Workshop site beingheardnow.com.  

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